I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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