Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Congratulations! We have a period
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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