I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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