Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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