$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
