She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
