i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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