I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Drunk is not a location!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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