You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
