why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
