i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
