I could make wine with my vomit
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
