I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
