winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
