We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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