Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
