I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
