I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
