I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I cut my penus on the lid.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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