Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
