Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
