This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
