piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
