but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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