Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize