so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
