if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
