im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
