my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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