I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
