There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
