Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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