I can't watch pbs sober anymore
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
