I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
