I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize