So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
