i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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