we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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