i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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