You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
