everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
