The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
this beer tastes like vomit already
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
