If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
my liver is dry heaving
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
