What did we do last night that was yellow?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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