Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
