he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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