My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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