it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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