Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
