he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
