I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
