I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
