Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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