Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
