This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
