careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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