So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I supernannyed him into submission
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
