Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
