thus making me awesome and them whores
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
