Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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