so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
