hell yes lets make some ravioli
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
