D3 body, D1 cock
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
