Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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