Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
