I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I CAN MOONWALK!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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