I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
