remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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