I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
