FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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