Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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